sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
