i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
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