apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
