Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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