Don't you send me to vm
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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