I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
