i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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