I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
