I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
