I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
