hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
We just shotgunned beers for America
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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