Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
How external is "for external use only"?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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