I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
