When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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