the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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