You smell like stripper and shame
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
