I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
