i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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