I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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