i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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