life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
