Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
