just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize