I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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