I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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