I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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