I'm lost and stupid without you.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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