You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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