dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
