i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
