also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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