Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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