No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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