i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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