i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
