ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Four minutes until I can fart!
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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