By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
