it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Every concussion has its silver lining
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
