remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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