chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Randomize
