So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
