and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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