Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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