we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
i think im in europe. pls send help
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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