I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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