New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
