my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I will pee on everything he values.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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