Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
