I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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