It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
