your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
