"it" just moved
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
