you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize