i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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