We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
