Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
