Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
