Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
