Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
