You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
