He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Pooping to opera.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
